Memorial Day - Love vs. War

The early years of my emotionally abusive1^st marriage were particularly painful for me.  I was very suicidal then and I refer to those years as the ‘dark place’.  In 2005, I decided I needed to face and exorcise the demons that still haunted me (because I had not dealt with them) and I started to write poems that expressed the pain, anger, fear, sadness, etc. from that time.  Many of them are part of "Shadows on the Carpet".

In anticipation of this Memorial Day, I am sharing a poem from “The T. Collection – A Retrospective" which is a series of 15 poems about an extra-marital relationship spanning approximately one year. A relationship that saved my life – literally.  I resolved to highlight mostly positive elements in these short ‘vignettes’.

 

I am also sharing an audio of my reading of this poem with music and mix by Extra Sensory Perception (David Ames).

Love vs. War

LOVE vs. WAR

You came back from Vietnam

Severely battered but not broken

photo taken by T.

Aged beyond your years

You had lied about your age

To fight against the ideology

That occupied your native land

For a nation that gave you a home

In a country that was just the battleground

I recognized you as a special breed

You loved in ways I couldn’t appreciate

Giving yourself fully to me

While I was another’s wife

Willing to take on his responsibilities

Believing we could heal each other

Not realizing that his not loving me

Made it easier to manipulate me to stay

I never forgot that look on your face

The sound of your voice raging with pain

I believe something in you broke that day

Something the horrors of war couldn’t touch

But love had brought you to your knees

Made you vulnerable to an extreme

And I wasn’t certain that you could get back up

Yet I couldn’t regret choosing my son over you

I saw you once on the street five years later

Carrying your briefcase just as I remembered

I had just had my second child with him

I hesitated before turning the car around

Just long enough for you to disappear

A trace – an English Ovals cigarette butt – left behind

At home I pulled out photographs and jewelry

As I listened to tapes you had made for me – I wept

I often wondered what you did with your life

Between the time I saw you last and your death

© Alice Vedral Rivera - 2006

"Shadows on the Carpet" Section 1 - Shadows

1st section - Shadows

 
Shadows on the Carpet

 

Transient shades of gloom

Opaque clouds of black ink

From my past despair seep

Into my future to

Color the shape of my

Present as various

Carbon tints of drab pain

From my life flash on and

Off to form ominous 

Shadows on the carpet

Windows to the darkness

  

© Alice Vedral Rivera 4/30/12

The 1st section of "Shadows on the Carpet" is titled 'Shadows' and the above poem is the 1st poem in the book.  There will be 9 sections in all and over 100 poems.  I will be posting excerpts for you to comment on as I finalize the manuscript.

Current Project - Shadows on the Carpet

I am looking for funding to publish my new book of poetry titled, "Shadows on the Carpet".  It will be a compilation of my darker poems - dark shadows from my past expressed in varying poetic shades of gray where the past meets the future as memories in the present.

Because I have been told that the book needs to end on an 'up' note, it will be a progression from the darkness to the light with roughly 100 poems divided into 9 sections.

 

Less than 1% of my poems come out of the blue of left field. More than 99% of my poems are very personal to me even those that are inspired by outside influences such as a visual (painting, photo, nature, etc.), a word overheard, a scent, a taste or the feel of an object or event.  They stem from a seed deep inside me based on my continually changing perspective of some real experience in my life.  That stem then grows and morphs into a completed poem, colored by time, mellowing or sharpening into shapes that often surprise me. 

Many of my poems are abstract or written in the third person - mainly those that are rooted in extreme pain and darkness.  I need to step back and out of that pain and darkness to articulate it.  This makes it easier to then weave other elements into the poem (relationship/social/political under/over tones) sometimes intentionally but many times the message just shows up in the completed poem.  I suspect that the poems and songs of the exiled Czech poet and singer Karel Kryl had a tremendous influence on my writing in that respect.  Some of my family and friends now actively look for the layers in my poems as they read and re-read them.

Welcome to AVR's Sentient Sentiments II

Good Morning and Welcome to my new blog site for AVR’s Sentient Sentiments.   My urls  (www.wordartiste.com and www.wordartiste-avr.com ) are now pointing to this site as Posterous has officially shut down.

I intend to continue to voice my views and share my creativity with you as I did on Posterous.  I hope you will bear with me as I learn to navigate the nuances of this site and that you will continue to follow me here.  Please feel free to leave your comments.

Also, I will do my best to incorporate more bilingual English/Czech posts at the urging of my very large family and friends in the Czech Republic.  To that end, I am slowly (very slowly) translating my poems into Czech – not as easy as it might seem to be.

I am looking forward to continuing a dialogue with you (my existing friends) and with new friends I hope to gain along the way.   

So I say welcome, sit down and have a cup of coffee or tea with me as I open my mind, heart and soul to you.

Blaha Classical Guitar Concert April 14, 2013 Chicago area

For anyone that might be interested, world renowned Czech classical guitarist, Vladislav Blaha, will be in the Chicago area to delight us with his mastery again.  He will be coming to us fresh from holding a master class at Julliard as the only Czech classical guitarist to do so.

The concert will be held at the Czech Mission in Brookfield, IL:

Sunday, April 14, 2013 at 5:00pm

Czech Mission/Church of Saints’ Cyril and Methodius

9415 Rochester Ave.

Brookfield, Il. 60513

Cover - $15.00

Blaha is the only Czech guitarist interviewed and featured on the cover of Classical Guitar Magazine twice – first in 2003 and now in the upcoming May 2013 issue.

Click on the link to see this guitarist whose technically skilled performances have inspired 27 composers from 16 countries to dedicate works to him:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1y6fKc6IKU4

He plans on captivating us with works by Weiss, Vivaldi, Morel, Falla, Tesar, Rodrigo, Koshkin, Jobim/Dyens and Duarte. 

Do not miss this golden opportunity to hear such an outstanding musician, winner of 4 International Guitar Competitions, Professor of Guitar at Conservatoire of Brno and Janacek Academie of Music, President of the Czech Classical Guitar Society and Director of the International Guitar Festival and Courses in Brno, Czech Republic.